By Amanda Morey
Why Thinking Preferences Matter More Than Ever
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." ~ George Bernard Shaw
Is respectful conversation becoming a lost skill?
It is a question I find myself asking more often as I work with leadership teams across Australia. Regardless of industry, size, or organisational maturity, the number one source of workplace friction is not usually strategy, budgets, or competing priorities. It is communication.
This is not because people do not want to communicate well, but because we often assume that if we have delivered a message, it has automatically been received as intended. Unfortunately, communication does not work that way.
Today we have five generations working side by side, each shaped by different experiences, technologies, and expectations. Add hybrid work, digital communication, AI-generated messages and increasingly busy workplaces, and it is no surprise that misunderstandings are becoming more common. The challenge is not simply what we say. It is how our message is interpreted.
When a Thumbs Up is not Just a Thumbs Up
Take the humble 👍 emoji.
For one person it simply means, "Thanks, looks great." For someone else it can feel dismissive, passive-aggressive, or even sarcastic. Neither person intended conflict. Yet conflict emerges because meaning exists in the receiver not the sender. This is one of the most overlooked truths in workplace communication.
Communication is only successful when the receiver understands the message in the way it was intended. That means effective communication is always a shared responsibility. The sender needs to consider how they deliver the message. The receiver needs to seek clarification before making assumptions.
Unfortunately, many of us jump straight to judgement: they're rude, they're disengaged, or even they don't care. In reality, they may simply process information differently.
The Hidden Driver of Miscommunication
Have you ever carefully explained something to a colleague, providing all the background, context, and detail you could think of, only to watch their eyes glaze over?
Most of us immediately create a story: they're not interested, they're impatient, or even they're not listening. But what if none of those assumptions are true? Perhaps the issue is not attention. It is preference.
Some people naturally absorb information through facts and evidence. Others want practical application. Others connect through people and relationships. Others become energised by concepts, possibilities, and future ideas. If we continue communicating only in the way that makes sense to us, we risk missing the very people we need to influence.
We Don't Think the Same Way
One of the greatest insights I have gained as a leadership coach comes from the work of Ned Herrmann, creator of the Whole Brain® Thinking methodology and the Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument (HBDI®).
Herrmann challenged the idea that intelligence could be measured by a single dimension. Instead, he demonstrated that people develop thinking preferences patterns that influence how they solve problems, make decisions, learn, collaborate, and communicate.
The HBDI® assessment maps these preferences across four thinking styles:
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Analytical (Blue) – logical, factual, data-driven
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Practical (Green) – organised, structured and process-oriented.
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Relational (Red) – empathetic, collaborative, and people-focused
- Experimental (Yellow) – imaginative, conceptual, and future-focused
Importantly, preference is not competence. Every one of us can think across all four quadrants. We are, as Herrmann described, whole brained. However, under pressure or when communicating naturally, we tend to default to our preferred styles. Understanding this changes everything.
Communication Through Different Thinking Lenses
Imagine you are announcing a significant organisational change. If your communication focuses only on data, some people will immediately ask:
"How will this affect my team?"
If your message centres on people and wellbeing, others will wonder: "Where's the evidence this is the right decision?"
Some employees want timelines. Others want purpose. Some need certainty. Others want to understand the possibilities. The message has not changed. The thinking preference of the audience has. This explains why one presentation can inspire half the room while completely losing the other half. The issue is not necessarily the quality of the communication. It is that it only speaks one thinking language.
Respect Starts Before We Speak
Respectful communication is not about agreeing with everyone. Nor is it about walking on eggshells. Respect begins with recognising that our own way of thinking is not the only valid way. Whole Brain Thinking provides leaders with a practical framework to become more adaptable communicators.
Instead of asking: "How do I want to explain this?"
We begin asking: "How does this person need to receive it?"
That subtle shift transforms conversations. It moves us from broadcasting information to creating understanding.
Leadership in a Multi-Generational Workforce
The modern workplace has never been more diverse. Baby Boomers, Generation X, Millennials, Generation Z and, increasingly, Generation Alpha entering part-time work all bring different communication habits and expectations. Some prefer face-to-face conversations. Others default to Teams or Slack messages. Some appreciate detailed emails. Others will not read beyond the first paragraph.
Technology has amplified these differences. While digital tools make communication faster, they also remove many of the cues that build understanding, tone, facial expression, curiosity, and context. As a result, assumptions fill the gaps.
This is where leaders have a vital role to play. Rather than insisting everyone communicate the same way, high-performing leaders create environments where communication is flexible, intentional, and inclusive.
Communicating to Be Understood
One of the simplest exercises I ask leaders to consider is this: Before your next important conversation, ask yourself:
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Does this person need facts?
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Do they need process?
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Do they need connection?
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Do they need the bigger picture?
The answer is often "all of the above" just in different proportions. The most effective communicators are not those who speak the most. They are the ones who adapt and listen for clues around thinking preference. Asking good questions is key to providing good information.
Research consistently shows that diverse thinking improves innovation, problem-solving, and decision-making. Yet those benefits only emerge when people understand one another well enough to collaborate effectively. Communication, therefore, is not simply a leadership skill. It is a business capability necessity.
The Future of Respectful Conversation
I do not believe respectful conversation is dead. I do think it is under pressure.
We are communicating more frequently than ever before, yet often with less curiosity, less context, and less understanding. The answer is not simply teaching people to communicate more. It is helping them communicate differently.
When leaders understand thinking preferences, conversations become less about winning and more about connecting. Meetings become more productive. Feedback becomes easier to hear. Conflict becomes easier to navigate. Trust grows.
Whole Brain Thinking reminds us that diversity is not only about demographics. It is also about the diversity of thought sitting around every meeting table.
Perhaps respectful conversation is not disappearing after all. Perhaps it is simply waiting for us to become better listeners, more adaptable communicators, and more curious leaders. Because the goal of communication was never simply to be heard. It was always to be understood.
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About the Author: Amanda Morey
Amanda Morey is the Founder of NewThink and a leadership strategist who helps leaders and teams unlock potential, strengthen communication, and drive measurable results. With more than 26 years of experience across technology, finance, education, and telecommunications, she brings deep commercial insight to her work and combines it with a practical, human approach to leading through challenge and change.
A former corporate executive, MBA, and HBDI Certified Practitioner, Amanda equips audiences with the tools to build trust, think differently, and lead with greater clarity, confidence, and purpose. Her keynote sessions and workshops leave people with practical strategies they can apply immediately to improve performance, collaboration, and decision-making.
